Car Ride
by Misha Novak
Summary: There was never a dull moment on the ride to school. Cartman blamed Jewish black magic.


A/N: Hurr. I love harassing these two. I don't own South Park.

---

It was one of those mornings, y'know?

One of those mornings where you'd wake up from a horrible nightmare, trip on your way down stairs, find no food what so ever in the house cause you mom hasn't gone shopping yet, get a phone call from a certain Jew bitching at you to give them a ride to school becuase their pussy of a super best friend got the flu, and you don't have any choice because that Jewtard is tutoring you in Geometry.

It was just one of _those_ mornings for Eric Cartman and it was going to get a whole lot worse.

Cartman glared at the sight of Kyle standing there on his front step. Kyle glared right back. "About time." he spoke up. "If we're late for school, fatass it's your grade." Cartman pushed past the Jewish teen, slamming the door shut and went right for the garage where his car was kept.

"Yeah, yeah. Was that suppose to be a threat, Kahl? Cause I give it a four and a half if it was."

Kyle gritted his teeth and followed after Cartman. The two boys got into the car, and after they buckled up, they were off. It was a pity that neither of them noticed a few things attached to the back of Cartman's car. The sound of clanking and clattering reached Cartman's ears. The brunette whipped his head around looking for the source but couldn't find it.

"Alright Jew, what did you break?" Cartman demanded, narrowing his accusing glare on the redhead in the passenger seat. Kyle's raised his brows before they lowered into a glare as well.

"What did I break? I didn't break anything in your stupid car." He snapped. Cartman didn't like that answer one bit.

"This is a good Christian car, KAHL." Cartman roared. "And you broke something with you Jewish black magic!"

"Jews don't do black magic, you ignorant asshole!" Kyle was quick defend his beliefs and people, and just as he went to correct the fatass again, a car horn blared out making both of them jump in their seats and look out the right window. A frowning old man, in a pick up truck was driving by them and he made a motion to roll the window down. Kyle was hesitant but rolled the window down anyway. "Uh yeah?"

"GO TO HELL!" The man shouted angrily before zooming ahead, cutting Cartman off. Cartman swore colorfully.

Kyle blinked and looked over at Cartman. "Are you confused as I am?" he asked. Cartman looked at him quickly before looking back at the road. "Yeah, but I do know I'm gonna rip out that old fart's nuts and feed it to him."

Kyle pinched the bridge of his nose. "Cartman, getting pissed off never helps-"

"You make me sick, you little prick!" A woman's shout drowned out Kyle's little speech, the redhead turned only to be greeted with the sight of a wrinkly middle finger. Screw not getting pissed.

"Oh nice, really nice, lady! Drive on, before Pottery Barn shuts down." Kyle shouted back. Cartman couldn't help but chuckle.

A few more old people drove up after the other two, and repeated the same phrase. 'Go to hell', 'Sickos', 'I always knew that about redheads'...By then both teens were feeling quite murderous.

Kyle began to roll up the window when there was another beeping of a horn and a young woman drove up smiling. "Don't listen to them, you guys are great!" she called out, giving them a thumbs up before she took a turn. What the hell just happened there? Now they were the good guys? Something was off...way off. Kyle looked back to Cartman. "I should have just taken the bus." he stated, closing his eyes.

"That you should have, Kahl. You're getting your Jewish black magic all over and it's making people act even stupider then usual."

"Will you stop saying it's Jewish black magic?! I told you, asshole, Jews don't do black magic! We don't even do magic!"

"Then how did Moses part the sea?" Cartman countered. Kyle saw red. Though before he could get his hands around Cartman's thick neck there was _another_ carhorn.

"Kyle? Kyle Broflovski is that you, dear?" A old woman's voice called out. Kyle looked back out the window and blinked surprised. "M-Mrs. Himmelfarb?" The rabbi's wife.

Cartman laughed quietly. Himmelfarb...

"Oh Kyle dear, that was such a big decision to make at your young age!" she called out, " I wonder why your mother didn't tell me, but God bless you and that boy on your life journey together, mazal tov!" and with that she drove off. Kyle sat back and looked at Cartman. Cartman shrugged. "Jewish black magic." he stated simply. Kyle gritted his teeth.

There was another car horn. This time on the left side, and it was Big Gay Al. Cartman rolled his window down. "What?" he snapped.

"Kudos to you both! I'm so glad you kids are proud of your choice! But don't you think you're a little too young?" Big Gay Al asked, lifting his sunglasses from his eyes and stared at Cartman and Kyle. Now that made Cartman snap.

"What are we too young for?!" Cartman demanded, slamming his hand on the wheel. "People have been saying that, congratulating us, and old farts are telling us to go to hell! And WHAT is that clunking sound?!"

Cartman didn't waste another minute and swerved off the side of the road, ignoring Kyle's shouts, and placed the car into a park. Both boys exited the car and rounded to the back. Kyle's eyes widen and Cartman nearly passed out.

On the ground, cans tied to strings were attached to the bumper, but attached to the trunk was a sign with sparkly heart stickers...and in big glittery red letters read; _JUST MARRIED :)_

In Kenny's hand writing.

Cartman let out a warrior like cry, and grabbed the sign tearing it into pieces before chucking them at Kyle screaming once again about black magic and Jews. Kyle, who didn't take that too kindly, swung a very angry and hard fist at Cartman's face.

Big Gay Al cringed as he drove by seeing the scene. "Guess the Honeymoon is over."


End file.
